Can You Sue Someone for Cheating? What the Law Really Allows
In most states, you can't sue someone for cheating. Not your spouse, and not the person they cheated with. But five states still allow it: Hawaii, Mississippi, North Carolina, South Dakota, and Utah. The claim is called alienation of affection. Juries there have awarded millions. Everywhere else, you can't sue over the affair itself. The money tied to the cheating is a different story. Loans, shared bills, your stuff, the ring. You can go after all of that in any state. Often in small claims court.
Here's how both paths work. And which one fits your case.
The 5 States Where You Can Sue Someone for Cheating
These lawsuits go by a blunt nickname: homewrecker laws. The legal name is alienation of affection. A married person sues whoever wrecked the marriage from the outside. Not the spouse. The outsider.
As of 2026, only five states still allow these claims.
North Carolina is the busy one. Its juries have handed out huge awards. In 2018, a Durham County jury gave one husband $8.8 million. He sued the man who slept with his wife. $2.2 million was for his losses. The other $6.6 million was to punish the guy.
Numbers like that grab headlines. But wins like that are rare. And the cases are brutal to fight. More on that below.
What Is an Alienation of Affection Lawsuit?
It's a civil claim against someone who destroyed a marriage on purpose. You sue the affair partner, most of the time. But not always. People have sued meddling in-laws, therapists, and even pastors.
You don't have to prove sex happened. You have to prove they meddled. That's what sets it apart from its sister claim.
Criminal Conversation: The Other Homewrecker Claim
Criminal conversation sounds like a crime. It's not. It's a civil lawsuit for the adultery itself. To win, you prove one thing: this person had sex with your spouse during the marriage. That's the whole claim.
North Carolina allows both claims. People there usually file them together. One targets the affair. The other targets the wreckage.
What You Have to Prove
Courts want three things.
- Your marriage had real love in it before the affair started.
- The person took steps, on purpose, to pull your spouse away. Texts, gifts, planned meetings, secret trips.
- Those steps caused the loss. The timeline matters. Happy marriage, then this person shows up, then it falls apart.
The first one kills most cases. If the marriage was already cold, there was nothing left to steal. Defense lawyers will dig through years of your life to prove the cracks came first. Your therapy records, your fights, your own conduct. All of it becomes evidence.
One more trap in North Carolina. Nothing that happens after you and your spouse split up counts. If the new partner showed up after the split, there's no case.
Why 45 States Killed These Lawsuits
A century ago, almost every state allowed these claims. The old name is heart-balm laws. Then courts and lawmakers started tossing them. The trend hasn't stopped.
The latest domino fell in January 2026. New Mexico's highest court killed the claim in a case called Butterworth v. Jackson. Every justice agreed. The court said the claim treats a spouse's love like property. It assumes your spouse has no free will at all.
Utah may be next. A 2026 bill, SB 109, would end the claim there. North Carolina lawmakers filed a similar bill the same year. Neither had passed as of this writing. Both states still allow the claims for now. But the direction is clear.
Why the pushback? A few reasons. These lawsuits were used for blackmail. They turned divorces into revenge wars. And they punish an outsider for a choice your spouse made freely.
So if you live in the other 45 states: no, you can't sue the other woman or the other man for the affair. The courthouse door is closed for that claim. It's not closed for everything.
Can You Sue a Boyfriend or Girlfriend for Cheating?
No. Not for the cheating itself, in any state. Homewrecker laws only protect marriages. If you weren't married, there's no claim for being cheated on. No matter how bad it hurt.
But here's the thing. Most people asking this question aren't really after a ruling about the affair. They're angry about what the cheating cost them. Money loaned. Rent paid. A ring. Vet bills for a shared dog. That anger has a real legal outlet. And it works in all 50 states.
What You Can Actually Sue For: The Money
Courts don't care about broken hearts. They care about broken deals and unpaid debts. If your cheating ex owes you money or kept your stuff, those are normal civil claims. Married or not. Most of them fit in small claims court. Filing costs $10 to $75, and you don't need a lawyer.
A few of these deserve a closer look.
Money You Loaned Them
This is the number one claim against a cheating ex. You paid their car repair. You covered their credit card. They said they'd pay you back. Then they cheated. Then they ghosted.
A loan is a loan even without paperwork. Texts and payment app records usually prove it. The fight is always gift versus loan. An ex who texted "I'll pay you back next month" already lost that fight. We cover the playbook in our guide to getting money back from family and exes.
The Engagement Ring
In most states, the ring is a gift with strings attached. The string is the wedding. No wedding, ring goes back to the buyer. Many states don't even care who cheated or who called it off. Some states do look at fault, and that can flip the result. Ring fights land in small claims all the time. Most rings fall under the dollar limits.
They Gave You an STD
This one is real. It's the one true exception to the "no suing over the affair" rule. Did your partner pick something up while cheating and pass it to you? That can be a valid claim in every state. We wrote a full guide on suing someone for giving you an STD.
Can You Sue for Emotional Distress Over Cheating?
Almost never. And it's worth knowing why.
The claim is called intentional infliction of emotional distress. Courts save it for conduct that's truly outrageous. Way past the bounds of decency. Cheating hurts. But judges across the country say normal cheating doesn't clear that bar. If heartbreak alone supported a lawsuit, the courts would drown.
The rare wins involve something extra on top of the affair. Think a spouse who hid an STD. Or years of planned lies with fake documents. If you want the full picture of where that line sits, read our guide on suing for emotional distress.
Before You Sue: Three Honest Questions
1. Are you suing for money or for revenge? Courts award money. They don't award apologies. They can't make anyone feel sorry. If no real dollar amount is at stake, a lawsuit just costs you time. And it reopens the wound.
2. Can this person actually pay? A win against a broke ex is a piece of paper. Check whether they have a job or assets first. We break down what happens when you sue someone with no money.
3. Is your deadline still open? Every claim has a legal deadline. Loan and contract claims usually give you 3 to 6 years. Injury claims often give you 1 to 3. Check our state-by-state deadline guide before you assume you have time.
How to Start Without a Lawyer
If your claim is about money, you don't start with a lawsuit. You start with a demand letter. That's a formal written demand for what you're owed. It sets a deadline and a clear next step if they ignore it. It works more often than people expect. About 70% of disputes end right here. No courtroom at all. A formal notice makes the problem real. Here's how to write one that gets taken seriously.
If they still won't pay, small claims court is built for this. Check your state's dollar limit. File the one-page form. Bring your receipts. Judges see ex-partner money fights every single week. Yours won't shock anyone.
FAQ: Suing Someone for Cheating
Can you sue the other woman or the other man?
Only in Hawaii, Mississippi, North Carolina, South Dakota, and Utah. And only if you were married. These claims target the outside person, not your spouse. The other 45 states have ended them.
Can you sue your spouse for cheating?
No state lets you sue your own spouse for the affair itself. Homewrecker laws only cover outside parties. Cheating can still affect your divorce in some states, mostly around alimony.
Is cheating on your spouse illegal?
A few states still have old adultery laws on the books. But they're almost never enforced, and some have been struck down. In real life, no one gets charged for cheating in the US.
How much can you win in an alienation of affection case?
North Carolina juries have awarded sums from tens of thousands to $8.8 million and beyond. But collecting is another matter. Most people can't pay a fraction of those numbers. Big awards make headlines because they're rare.
Can I sue my ex for money I spent on them during the relationship?
Dinners, trips, and gifts are gifts. You can't bill someone for a relationship after it ends. Loans are different. If there's proof they agreed to pay you back, that's a contract claim. You can file it in small claims court.
Who keeps the engagement ring after cheating?
In most states, the ring goes back to the buyer if the wedding doesn't happen. It doesn't matter who was at fault. Some states do weigh fault, which can let the wronged person keep it.
Can I sue for wasted wedding costs if I caught them cheating?
Vendor deposits you paid are usually lost, unless the contract allows refunds. A few states still allow breach of promise to marry claims. Those can cover wedding costs. Most states have ended them too.
Do I need a lawyer to sue an ex over money?
Not for small claims. The court is built for regular people. Filing fees run $10 to $75 in most states. Hearings take about 15 minutes. Most people start with a demand letter first, since most disputes end there.
The Bottom Line
You probably can't sue over the affair. Five states are the exception. Even there, the cases are costly, invasive, and hard to win. But the money your ex owes you is not a heartbreak problem. It's a debt. And debts have a process. Demand letter. Follow up. Small claims if they force it.
Does your ex owe you money and think you'll eat the loss because the breakup got messy? PettyLawsuit can send a demand letter today. 2,500+ cases handled, all 50 states. Don't let it slide.